what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
