is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
