if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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