I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just found puke in my bra..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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