Sponge bath it is.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
