I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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