I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
