I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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