I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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