I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
