the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
