Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
