When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
