I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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