erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
