I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
