She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am naked and annoyed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
