Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Fuck appropriateness.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
