fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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