You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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