I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
