yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You are the jesus of drinking
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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