Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
