you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
as a side note pls kill me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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