Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
