"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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