My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
