Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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