I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
