A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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