I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
