how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
