Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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