he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
