she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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