Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
organizing the empties. That sober.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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