dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
