Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
