Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
