i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
