Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
