Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
