There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
