i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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