you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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