You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
either way he was missing a nipple.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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