Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
