Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
