Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
