I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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