You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
