I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
