I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize