He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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