there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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