Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
