Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
