You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
