You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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