If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
