rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
True strength comes from lack of pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
