and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize