I'm really into asian looking animals
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
