Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
