im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
