I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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