whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
