i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The air was thick with penises
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
