So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
