So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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