our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
