so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
