guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You ruined the universe
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
