You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
