Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
