he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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